warning! bitchfest 2010

so much is going on in my world right now. where do i start? i'll be moving out of my apartment and into my grandma's house in september. i have to get rid of pretty much everything in my apartment, narrow the necessities down as far as possible, and find a home for my cat. as far as my belongings go, i have binged, collecting things for my apartment that i believed i needed, and now comes the purge. i have done this binging and purging before, several times. the most extreme was the last time i left ohio and came here, i kept very little clothing, my books, cameras, and two crates of things from childhood, i.e. old journals, notebooks,etc. this time around i have more that i do not want to let go of, and i am battling because i know that i should not be connected to material things, but i also know that when i get another apartment it will be time to binge again, and i really just don't want to spend that much money on stuff that i have now.
as for the cat, i don't want to find a permanent home for him because once i am settled again, i will want him with me, but that could be a year or more. i am hoping my aunt will take him, but i have to be completely honest with her about his raptor-like personality.

i wish i could move out now, so i can stop worrying about money so much, but the problem is my car. i cannot get it fixed until i get my student loans, which won't be until early september. this also means that i will be riding my bike in the august heat, to school and back, which i am not looking forward to. at least i live close enough to work now that i can walk.

my phone is shit. it keeps turning off while i am on it, or texting someone, or have just finished texting someone, which is convenient because then i don't know that the message didn't send and my ride ends up waiting for me because they didn't get the message saying, "give me 5 more min." and probably needless to say, i don't have the money for a new phone.

on the 11th i am getting my wisdom teeth removed, a good thing, but very scary, and after that i need to have them cleaned, and start having my 10, yes, 10! cavities filled. my mouth is expensive, and it's all my fault. floss, people! luckily the place i am going does financing, but once it's all done i'll be paying a million dollars a month just to keep my teeth from rotting out of my face, which i suppose is worth it.

the thing that really gets to me about all this is that there is nothing i can do right now, about any of it. i am stuck in this purgatory where i know i shouldn't be worrying because i know there is nothing i can do right now, but i can't stop thinking and thinking about it all. i am in my head way too much. i know that i am doing what i am supposed to be doing, but it doesn't feel like enough, or like anything, really. so here i am, writing a blog to bitch about it, which weirdly feels really good to put it all down, just say it like it is. maybe this will help me stop dwelling on it. i doubt it though.

i am so tired of sitting at home, working, and going to denny's. my days are this endless cycle. my days off consist of my mom driving me around to run errands that i can't do myself without a car, and are not at all relaxing.

to top it all off i have no coffee in my house, and if you know me at all, you will know that this is detrimental to my morning ritual, and my ability to be a functioning human being throughout the day.

if you have actually read this through to the end, i am sorry. this was simply an exercise in purging thoughts, rather than belongings.